It’s 5:15 in the morning. I’m in my kitchen watching the darkness transform to light, hearing the birds outside starting to chirp, waiting for my first cup of coffee to brew and still in my sweats from the night before. I’m scrubbing my kitchen countertops as if I’d just had a house full of people here in the middle of the pandemic. I’m a safety consultant: I promise you, I didn’t have a house full of people. So why am I scrubbing these dang countertops?
Emergencies are what I do for a living. According to every DISC/Personality Test/Myers & Briggs I’ve ever taken, I’m a lover of chaos and one who slowly and sort of methodically brings order to that chaos. If you asked my team, they’d tell you that there may not always be a method to the madness and honestly, they’d be right. There is always an orientation toward progress, though, and to me, that’s method enough.
I chose a career riddled with 2am phone calls about schools on fire, 4am phone calls about bus accidents, 2pm phone calls about weapons on campus and 4pm phone calls about kidnappings. One of those events is an average Monday, two might be a bad day. My point is, I chose this pace, I love this work and I thrive in the uncertainty it generates. Well, usually.
COVID-19 marks a different era of “emergency”. Add to that the conversation about race, equity, and inclusion; natural disasters; and political… dissonance, and we’re in bad shape as individuals and as communities.
I recently found an image from Amy Cuddy, a Social Psychologist and generally an all-around badass, which represented to me where we are on the COVID-19 crisis right now. We’re in what she terms Regression: we’re struggling to hold on to a sense of purpose, we’re withdrawn, irritable. I’m cleaning my countertops.
Add to this the fact that we’re being thrust into new emergencies and new challenges on a daily basis, and we can’t even get our feet under us enough to begin to work toward Recovery.
I wish I could tell you that the end is in sight and this will all be over soon, but I can’t. Ahead of us we have natural disasters, a tumultuous election, a persistent pandemic, and an opportunity to create equity for all. All of these challenges would be tough to overcome on their own, but we will overcome them all at once. We’ll do it one day at a time and one challenge at a time, and I retain hope that we will get to the other side of each of these challenges and we’ll be better for it.
I’d like to offer a few thoughts that help me wrap my mind around what we’re facing right now in the hope of calling to the forefront of your mind some solutions you might not even know you have:
I know that when I start cleaning my countertops, I’m in bad shape. It’s that weird thing I do to avoid a good solid cry after I’ve experienced something really, really, hard. I’ve done this for long enough that I can now recognize it and sit down on the couch and let out that good cry.
What is it that you do when you’re avoiding that good cry? Long drive up the highway? Extra glass of wine? Reading that book over again? Whatever it is, I’d challenge you to name it, and not just to yourself: name it to a partner, spouse, friend, someone who can call you on it when you do it and someone who you trust enough to say “you’re in bad shape, how can I help?”
I know that when I’m overwhelmed, I tend to quiet down, withdraw from friends, family, colleagues, and try to maverick my way through it - alone. Turns out this is counterproductive as those very friends, family, colleagues are the folks who can help me get through whatever that hurdle is. I feel fortunate to have a few folks who know me well enough to call me on it when I do that.
Who can you be vulnerable enough with to allow them to become a partner in your Regression, Recovery or even Emergency moments? Who do you trust enough to “call you on it” when you’re going down the wrong path?
I know that when I have to choose between managing the emergency and self-care, I will find every excuse in the world to avoid self-care. I rationalize it by saying that “after the emergency”, I’ll care for myself. The problem: COVID-19 is an emergency that will be with us for months, if not years. “After” COVID-19 is simply not an option.
When in the next 4 weeks can you care for yourself? Don’t BS yourself on this. I’ve watched our administrators at schools around the country for the last 6 months and I promise you that the protocols, policies and training will come together. Your own physical and mental health are the pieces that we must elevate. Putting our own mask on first has never had such a literal meaning; today it’s the most important step we can take.
I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your leadership team. I’m worried because I know that you will prioritize safety, academics and so many other elements over yourself. I’m worried because if we don’t put ourselves first every once in a while, we may not make it to the other side of this pandemic or series of simultaneous emergencies. I’m worried because even as someone who chose this pace for a career, who thrives in it, I’m exhausted. Thanks to many opportunities to practice recovery from emergencies, I noticed myself cleaning my counter and did something about it:
I’ve taken 2 “vacations” since the pandemic started, and I’m taking a third this week.
We’ve cycled our Leadership Team through vacation this Fall and will be closing our HQ in October for short periods of time to cause additional time away.
We’ll be mandating rest days for our field teams in October, in advance of what we believe will be a particularly trying November and December.
These items work for us. They may not be the right steps for you, and that’s okay. Whatever you do, though, I cannot stress enough the importance of getting both feet back on the ground. I have no question in my mind that our communities can endure this. We’ll need our leaders more than ever when we emerge from this moment in history to help us shape and define what our shared future will look like.
Thanks for reading. I hope you’ll send me a picture of you recharging. In the meantime, my countertops are clean.